I was deeply in love with my first. The kind of love that could close out the other people in a crowded room. Often, people would disperse slowly to our oblivion and we'd find ourselves alone in a room loud with our stares and smiles. (I wonder if he remembers that the way I do) Either way, we were a synchronized rhythm of learning, giggles and touch...and I felt like I'd always be in love with him...
I was deeply in love with my ex of 8 1/2 yrs. The one with whom I had an abusive relationship. In the beginning and at the end...things were the most tender. The way he wouldn't let go at night while we slept and how I awoke often to him staring at me (not as creepy as it sounds). How he'd kiss me awake...and take care of me when I was sick. We laughed at almost everything and honestly, we had a very psychic relationship. I have stories of him hearing my thoughts and him SWEARING I was talking when I knew I hadn't opened my mouth. I was in love, until I realized that love doesn't hurt...
I was deeply in love with the radio dude. His voice was medicine for whatever ailed me and I just knew that his love would always be there. Silly as hell...we laughed many a night away when our asses should've been asleep. He challenged me to grow past my self-induced lines and fears. Mainly due to him, I became less shy and eventually had my own short-lived show online. Our decidedly different views on life, love, family and friendship...always seemed to come together. He the wings, me the anchor...and often switching roles when necessary. Younger than me chronologically...I often felt like he was older, hence my name for him "Papa Pea"(see, two peas in a pod). I was in love...until I realized that love don't lie.
As far as I'm concerned, I've been deepest in love with them all for different reasons. They all represented different phases of my spiritual understanding. I was in love for the first time, the worst time and the most recent time...with all I had. I've never given less. Some might say that I couldn't have been deeply in love so many times...but, I believe that my blessing to love others is the most beautiful and deepest thing about me...
I'm a lover AND a fighter...I like the folks most don't. I walk to the beat of a drummer....who isn't REALLY in the band, but got the best beats. I am big on love..."I see you" where you're at...hopefully this blog helps you to see me, as well. Either Love me...or leave me alone!
Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. - a quote by Dinah Craik
3 scopers scoping:
Good post. Mine, not so much. LOL
I second the God'ess...
Thank you ladies! :D
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