I went to bed with this on my mind and the moment I woke up and saw pics from last night's Oscars...it hit me again.
Last night I saw something so ugly, that I had no choice but to unfollow and block them. A guy who I'd been following on Instagram, was so mean that it was either cuss him beyond his own comprehension...or leave...I left.
He said that Gabby Sidibe didn't deserve to be on stage (or seen for that matter) and that she should have someone accept her award FOR her because she was like the auntie we all were too embarrassed to have around...well, I was embarrassed to have HIM around. I was angry at myself for not unfollowing sooner. He posts inflammatory things daily and I just scrolled on by because I felt that maybe his good posts outweighed *no pun* his bad. Not so. I tried to deal because he was an acquaintance of a family member, and I was trying to accept him for who he was, but this was too much...even for me. I'm as big as her and I knew if he felt that way about her...he feels the same about ME. It took everything in me to "choose my battle"...to walk away without a word or to "tell him about himself". I decided that, perhaps he didn't require awareness unto himself. Maybe he was fine with the way he sees fat people. they're disgusting and unworthy of applaud for just being a human...being.
He said she didn't "have the body" for that dress and I thought, 'she has HER body' ~sigh~ I just know I don't have to deal with it. I don't have to suffer quietly so people won't think I'm sensitive or "guilty" of the similar crime of being overweight. I refuse to stand by and watch people throw shade on overweight people. Your slim frame doesn't mean you get to clown everyone heavier than you. I see your "hot mess" and your funny memes and guess what? IT'S NOT FUNNY!
Your trigger is your trigger. I don't believe that just because I'm your "friend" here that you're not "talking about ME"...but, you are. The same way if you were non-Black and cracked a joke about Black people, is the same reception you're going to get when I see you ROFL at some fat person's dilemma. I'm over people's hatefulness. I'm DONE with people pretending it's okay to say mean things and disguise it as TRUTH. Your truth isn't mine and it DAMN sure doesn't get to define the lines of respect that I have in place for me.
People are fighting for rights in foreign countries, people are mad at the war on Black youth, people are mad at the discrimination of the LGBT community...well I'm mad and am fighting for the right to be accepted as a fat person who has the inalienable right to be who I am without your judging eyes and unsolicited diet advice and your disrespectful snickers. You can't work on SHIT of significance until you address the simple shit...like loving yourself...and the person beside you. Quit acting like if it ain't serving your purpose and cause, then it's not important. Peace is PEACE...not just the kind YOU wish to acquire.
Peace out...Kween-Sized Keys.
Oh, by the by...I thought Gabby looked gorgeous! :)
I'm a lover AND a fighter...I like the folks most don't. I walk to the beat of a drummer....who isn't REALLY in the band, but got the best beats. I am big on love..."I see you" where you're at...hopefully this blog helps you to see me, as well. Either Love me...or leave me alone!
Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. - a quote by Dinah Craik