Scared Love Gets No Love

When I say...that there is an influx of punk ass shit on the horizon, I mean it.

I sometimes feel alien to this world. Alien to  a society where the roles of men and women are flipped. Where women are the aggressors, on the hunt, slugging guys over the head with bats made of steel and fused with Love Potion #9. Where men are househubs, taking care of the kids, sipping on spritzers and nibbling on frozen treats with fancy names...holding Avon parties and shit. The woman...the breadwinner. The man...the bacon fryer. Or even it being as simple as, she's the one calling the relationship shots...and he's following her lead because he's daunted by the possibility that she'll decide NOT to follow. ~sigh~

Some men are spoiled prima donnas, who want to be provided for, coddled, and courted like a true débutante...and women are these thug ass females who drool at the mouth for a man. I won't ask Where They Do That At...because I could point out some places without blinking or thinking. All, I'm concerned for is where the real men and women are. It is discouraging to feel like some men aren't motivated to speak their piece to a woman of interest. I feel kind of sick to my stomach that there are a group of men in this world who don't understand their role. I'm a woman of tradition and convention, with contemporary style. I am very aware of what's up in 2010, yet I'm from a school of thought, that as a queen and lady of class...I am to be sought after and not to be in search of. What that means to me, is that a man is supposed to step up, stake his claim and then pursue until I've allowed myself to be caught. NOT chasing...PURSUING. I'm within reach to a man whose word is his bond and his intentions are duly followed by action. It is a fool that talks and talks...and talks *yawning*...and promises...who will find the path to me lengthening in front of him. I find nowadays women have taken the lead in epic numbers. They are the ones confessing interest. They are the ones asking for dates, paying for things, saying "I love you" and in some cases...proposing.

Is it just ME that finds the order of things to be a bit out of whack? Who are these men-children who are so afraid of rejection that they need for us to make the first moves to feel safe? Don't they know that risk is involved when pursuing anything of importance. Hope and the possible failure of those hopes being dashed skip hand-in-hand down the road of life. It is inevitable that at SOME point in your life, your hopes will have been poked like floating bubbles. Does it mean you don't try again? Does it mean that you become the opposite of your God-given nature in order to secure your fears? Why should someone else be laid bare for the sake of your insecurities, while you decide (or don't) whether you still want to move forward?

Look, I'm not asking for guys to wear armor, nor offer livestock to their love interest's family. I'm not saying that a woman should act docile and afraid to look a man in the eye. I'm just saying that I'd like to see some ADULT exchanges of energy. Two people, interested...unafraid of the risks, willing to be honest and open about what can be between them understanding that their success is relative to their own willingness to TRY. Is this too much to ask for?

'Cause...just like scared money don't make no money...scared love gets no love. Or do they even WANT it?

*adjusting my mental sac* LOL

Unrelated Randomness that is indirectly relative...this song has been in my head for days. I love this song. Perhaps...we shouldn't be so willing to give up on love.

13 scopers scoping:


The problem is my dear you want cake, in 2010. And the gall you don't just want any cake you want cake from scratch. Do you know how long it takes to learn how to make a cake in the actual oven, how dare you.

I can give you a quick ready made pastry that all I have to do is nuke whats wrong with that. Or some mostly baked cookies that all I have to do is throw them on the sheet for a few minutes. What makes you think you deserve my *gasp* sweat?

There are no roles are rules there is just existence. We have a million billion different outlets of opinion, and no time to think about how we feel about a single one of them. Adult interaction, pfffft you better take them temper tantrums you see in the the streets and like it.

We have too many scapegoats and not enough plow horses, too many calves and not enough steers or oxes. Because if I have a role then when I hold up my end of the bargain I can look at you when you don't hold up yours. And if I fail at my side you have every right to chastise me, within reason as long as your side of the aisle is spotless.

Problem is there are jobs NOBODY wants to do, we're all too important now. As long as we remain a part of the group there doesn't have to be an "I" it's a we, you see the group, that's what you get. What "I"? group, TEAM thats what we want nowadays right?

25champ said...

I hav 2 say that I thnk for the most part that men are just confused as to what a woman wants. I've been in dif relationships where the woman wanted what u wanted..... an agressive man who is willing 2 step up and handle his business, but whn adversity hit they no longer wanted 2 be in the my corner bcause thy expected to maintain the perfect life and I've also hav been in relationships wit women who did what ever they could to prevent me from being a man. Alot of women hav a prblm submitting as if it makes them powerless. So now that you've got Miss Independent, I can be broke by my damn self...You've seen a big change in a mans position. The strongest relationships come frm couples who build they're foundations together...not from couples who do them. The Key wrd is build and alot of couples aren't willing 2 do that 2gether. Just as long as u got women who expect everything 2 revolve around them u r gonna have men who loose sight of their position. Our roles effect eachother.

Da_Kween said...

@Primal~ Amazingly...I get everything you said. LOL I guess we're getting to know each other better, huh? I see what you're saying...but, yes...I DARE want cake from scratch. "I" make cake from scratch. So, why not? I'm willing to do the work. I want someone willing as well. I'm not satisfied with the status quo...I want more. Deserve more...and know more is out there. Period. Thanks for traversing through ;)

@Champ~ I absolutely agree!! Our roles DO affect each other. I am definitely speaking on us BOTH. Men AND women. I do understand what it means to be submissive to my man and know that it has nothing to do with being a welcome mat. I wish women didn't get so caught up in that independent woman shit, that they forget that we need each other to survive. People put WAY too much focus on money and others' station in life...and not enough on spirit and what can come of supporting a wonderful man who deserves and needs a woman who will see in him what the world doesn't.

Thanks for coming through guys...I'm really glad that the men showed up on this post.

Alovelydai said...

I have nothing new to add. I too am a traditional kinda woman so I cosign this whole post. I just wanted to show some love to the guys who commented. Awesome points of view. said...

i need to read again..on point and very thought provoking!

CurvyGurl ♥ said...

Ugh! I knew reading this would be a virtual spanking. This right here needs to be in bold, red, blinking font...

"I'm just saying that I'd like to see some ADULT exchanges of energy. Two people, interested...unafraid of the risks, willing to be honest and open about what can be between them understanding that their success is relative to their own willingness to TRY."

I recently realized that sometimes in my effort to move ahead, the comfort of bad habits coaxes me to fall back. I'm supposed to be a grown, expressive chica but when the slightest inkling of becoming emo is a possibility I retreat. Booooo just booo on my part.

P.S. Missed ya :-)!

S.O.A.P. said...

*APPLAUSE* The fat lady just sang. It's over!!

Spoken Word ™ said...

I think that in todays society we have way too many expectations of each other instead of accepting each other as we are. Put love for each other 1st and realistically we should come to a mutual understanding.

Da_Kween said...

@Dai~ I know, right? Wasn't it cool of the men to show up and give great views? I re-read a few times myself, lol

@CG~ I love that about you. You may have your short-comings, but you're very aware of what needs attention and you're not afraid to admit that. I am always trying to admit where I need work and share my struggle...we share the desire at times to recoil in the face of too much emotion. We can get through it though. (missed you, too chica :)

@SOAP~ *curtsying* Thank you, sis :)

@SW~ I do indeed believe what you said. It's just getting to that point...takes first admitting that you even are interested in the first place. Two people being open to even displaying their feelings to one another long enough for that initial dance to begin.

Kandia said...

Love, love, love this post! I was beginning to think I was a little too old fashioned for my own good, but I see I'm not alone. It really does seem like a lot of men these days want you to run after them and the women are getting more and more aggressive in "going after" what they want.

I think I should have been dating in like the 1950's before the internet, before text messaging, and when men really knew what it meant to woo and court a woman :-)

Da_Kween said...

@Kandia~ You are NOT alone. There are still some women out there who understand and respect the old school way of courting.

I'm perhaps NOT from the 50's...more like another planet. LOL

No Labels said...

I love this. It just seems so strange to me that a lot of men out there either don't know how to court or just too lazy to court.

Angela Lykebudda White said...

im surfing blogs and had to come reread some of these deep thoughts. Great post. nothing to add.

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