You all know or knew Billy...the bully. Remember that kid. He was bigger than everyone in his class and his shirt didn't cover his stomach anymore than his pants covered his ass? His parents couldn't afford the fly shit, so dude walked around beating the crap out of kids who were dressed better? His ass would come through and smack the shit out of you just because you had a name. "What's your name?" You'd shudder and reply, "Lenny...". :::SMACK::: "That's a STUPID name!".
Yea...you remember him. All jokes aside, Billy was troubled then, and if he didn't get the snot whooped out of him or someone didn't blast his crazy ass...he's somewhere looking like the adult version of his grade school persona. Still knocking over people in the attempt to exact some control in his life. If some woman felt sorry enough, she married him or had a few of his spawn and he's smacking them around for just being.
I am STILL not joking...
This is what happens to a lot of bullies. Misery becomes his best friend like Linus' blanket. He drags it everywhere he goes. Chances are...Billy Jr., Billimina and Billisha...are bullies, too. Dad has made life hell at home, so they've grown accustomed to exacting control on the school yard...OR the Internet.
When I did an online talk show a couple of years ago...the producer had a PSA from the Ad Council. Some little chick "ding-dongs" on her friend's bell, waltzes in as she greets the mother...and as SOON as she rolls up on her "friend", she goes IN. She goes from telling her that her dress makes her look like a clown, to her breath smelling like garbage, to her disclosing the fact that the REASON they know it smells like garbage is because the boy she kissed says so. I mean REALLY? I would've beat her ass on MY living room floor. As soon as the first words exited her mouth, Megan or Judy or whatever her name was would've been swallowing those words whole. The motto? "Cyber-bullying...if you wouldn't do it in real life...don't do it online.". I would always follow it up with, "Why do it at all?".
Secret: "I" was "Billy"...
I remember being a mean child. I was feeling some kinda way about mom, or the new baby, or dad, or whatever...and I'd go to school and slug upon some unsuspecting children. My mother even walked up on me in the middle of me doing a "Sluggo" on some poor girl. I got spanked...I think. Either way, some years down the road...I traded in my bully fits for a new outfit. I donned a cape and a "U" on my chest. "Underdog Girl". I wouldn't bother anyone and I wouldn't fight if approached...well, if they hit me it was on...but, I let people talk themselves blue, while inwardly DARING them to hit me. YET, if someone picked on a friend of mine...I was ON it! To this day, I don't take kindly to someone just going in on someone who not only didn't ask for it...but isn't willing to speak up. I got a lot of respect for being that one to do that FOR them. I didn't NEED the respect....but, yea...I made sure no one took me for light and that no one beat up on weaker folks when I was around. To this day, I'm fiercely protective of anyone who I love...and some who I don't even know.
I wonder what happened though...
I wonder what happened to the little girl I beat up in kindergarten for nothing...
The child in the bathroom stall who I believe I was jealous of because she had on the prettiest outfit, the perfectly braided ponytails and cute glasses (which I believe I broke) ~sigh~...
The little girl who got cornered in the PJ's hallway by myself and a friend...
God forgive me...I'm probably suffering behind that mess right NOW. *lmao*
Seriously...this blog came about because my sister Almond Joy aka Butterfly Effect posted about a young man named Tyler Clementi, who committed suicide. This young man jumped off the George Washington Bridge, because his roommate shared his homosexual escapades on Twitter via live cam links. WHY would that guy do that? Why would he expose that young man's lifestyle like that? Why do people feel the need to "tower above" people with such disrespectful and hurtful things? All I know is that a young man is dead because of it. He didn't feel he could tell a soul of his shame...so he decided his life had no value. NOW, the young man who revealed his secret has to live with this in HIS life. What a sentence.
Parents and adults need to...HAVE to do better. No, I'm not a parent, but damn it, I was a child once...and I know what happens when it's not nipped in the bud. My mother nipped it in the bud. Children are our little reflectors. Children emulate what is shown to them. They have a distinct idea of us...and they personify it in the scariest ways. You'd be surprised how your little one views you. If we perpetuate rudeness, violence, dysfunction and hate...our children will mirror that. If we don't cut it out in the early years, by the time grade school is out...they're who they're going to be until something traumatic evokes change in them. By then, they're solely responsible for their own souls and actions. There's got to be a resolution. The village is divided and in disarray. The home is not a haven anymore. The schools are glorified meeting places. It is imperative that the the village get rebuilt...and that the home be a safe place to be. Otherwise, our children will become bullies...or victims of bullies.
I am sorry to those children I hurt. I pray that their lives weren't affected too adversely by any actions of mine. I accept my karma...I pray that I've protected enough people to bring balance. That is a sincere apology...and they probably will never see it.
My prayers go out to the Clementi family...and to all the families who have experienced similar losses.
6 scopers scoping:
I remember being bullied a lot in school. They did it because I was a tall skinny quiet boy who was scared to fight. Even when I overcame those fears, they did it anyway because I prided myself (and still do) with being a lover, not a fighter. Add to the fact that I had many "Brothers" and "Sisters" and Cousins (blood related and extended) who always fought for me. I knew how to but never had to practice because I always had somebody to do it for me.
Then, it always happened...one day, I got tired of it and LOST it. That was what My Mother (Who's a live wire in every sense of the word and who's favorite words were "Fight them or fight me") always feared. She always told me "It's not good to keep holding stuff in because when it finally comes out, you'll kill somebody or TRY to"...and I DID. When I finally got tired of the bullshit..well, you get the picture.
It was because I felt like no one could help me. Yeah, I told an adult but they're not always gonna be there. What happens during the walk home or during the walk to the next class..or in the BATHROOM when you're CORNED? You loose all sense of Reality and common thoughts and your main goal is to come out alive..even if it means to seriously injure the other party. I feel for those who are bullied because I've lived it. I got the T-shirt..and it's not a good feeling.
I can only imagine what was going through Tyler's head and the many others who've done similar actions when they finally was like "FUCK THIS!" and jumped. I've thought about it but never did it. To feel so humiliated to get to that point is something that very few people understand.
You're right babe. It's super important that not only do the parents pay attention (those of the bully and the victim) but that the child learns to defend her/himself. This world is and can be cruel, so one needs to be armed with tools of self-preservation.
I'm glad you're a fighter...even if it is mostly spiritual and not hand to hand. (((hugs)))
Kiwi, I'm so glad you were able to get that out. There are so many ex-bullies that will never admit they bullied anyone. And they definitely wouldn't apologize for it. While reading different articles of what happened to these teenagers, I noticed that the adults most likely to take up for the bully were bullies. And the ones that sympathized with the victim were bullied. It's a shame that we have to teach our kids to fight. Sometimes kids are quiet. But, it's like they have to be taught to act out of their character because these kids are browsing the cafeteria for victims. Crazy! I was never a fighter and thank God I never had to fight due to a bully. Thanks so much for writing this. Love you!
@BE~ Sis, I couldn't in good conscience write this blog (enraged nonetheless) and not admit to having done those things to someone else. It felt good to release that...to let it go. It's something I cannot change, but it is indeed something I worked on and overcame. I play with friends/family pretending to strong arm them...but you know better than most how non-confrontational I can be. It takes me forever to say what's on my heart.
Thanks for giving me the idea to blog on...it was God sent to free my heart. I love you, too sis :)
I remember being bullied because I'd rarely say anything back. I also remember one of those bullies wanting to be invited to my slumber party and getting on her knees and begging for an invitation, I used that opportunity to bully her back (I know, she must not have been a real bully. Trust me, she was)
I did realize when I was older that she treated me that way because for whatever reason, she was jealous of me. Even into adulthood. Found out she shaboinked my babydaddy behind my back.
I did my best to make sure my kids were neither bullies or bullied and am proud that they didn't allow those they loved to be bullied either. My boys are so compassionate that they often befriended those who were outcasts and often learned from them.
I so love your writing! It's brings so much out of people.
Dee, bullying is a terrible thing to go through. I've actually been bullied as well...and the truth is...standing up is an instant discourager. I have had most bullies back down and end up my friends.
It's still no fun...and clearly, it's fatal. :(
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