Like Alicia's song...is there something "unthinkable" you want to do? Is there something, some place or someone who makes you want to step out of your comfort zone and do the thing you never thought of before? Is it taking a chance on a new career? Going somewhere you've dreamed of but didn't think you could really afford? "Why wait for eternity...if you've got something to say. You should say it right now..."
Do you remember that movie? A man is framed for his wife's murder and he spends the length of the movie trying to remember the details of the murder to exonerate himself.
Has that one event plagued you in Memorex? You have to keep playing it back to try and piece the memories together so you can figure out what's missing? What went wrong? What happened while you were sleeping that left you in the present dilemma? How you became the bad guy when all you did was do your best? You know that there's something missing from the story but you also know that those privy to the knowledge you seek are working over time to keep you in the dark. Surely it's selfish they do so...but, nonetheless they're holding the proverbial cards and you're holding a losing hand. At this point...you begin wondering if it's even worth it to continue trying to remember. What if it is as fucked up as you think it is...or worse?
That was a movie, too. I loved that movie with Clint Eastwood and Morgan Freeman where they were commissioned to take out some bad asses threatening civilians in a small Western town.
Does your resentment of past wrongs drive you to go in on any and every unsuspecting person...and even some well-deserved wrong-doers? Even if they haven't done YOU wrong? You've decided that since your life has been under attack by the "powers that be"...then anyone else who may be free from your own personal pain is free to be hailed down on by none other than you.
It's not quite a good idea to go all in on someone else's life because yours is suffering from lack of meaning. Know that forgiving someone...THAT one, gives YOU freedom to move forward and enjoy life as it comes, instead of always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Living recklessly and then justifying it later with cock-eyed psychology doesn't make the pain go away. It only leaves it there later...waiting for you with angry eyes of neglect.
It's the ability to comprehend the gist of something. It's the difference between knowing something...and getting it's meaning. You can "know" someone loves you...and yet not understand how much. You can "know" someone in the sense of physical introduction and not understand who they are as a person. Knowing and understanding are not synonymous. When I was tutoring a young lady during the summer, I told her that the way she would know she understood the lessons she was learning, was if the question was posed differently than the way it was taught to her. If she still knew the answer that is when she'd know she'd absorbed the education. That's when you know you're not just memorizing something photogenically. You underSTAND it.
I understand...that sometimes in life you have to do the unthinkable in order to live life fully.
I understand...that you sometimes have to forget the unforgettable in order to move on. Every question may not be answered...and when it is, you may not always like what you get.
I understand...that forgiveness is about ME letting go of what was done to me...and not a justification or a permit of freedom for the other person. You know how we thinking animals process things..."If I forgive them...they'll be free to do it to others. They'll think it was right to do what they did to me." Right here, is where you learn not to worry about what "they" get away with. "They" have to answer for them...you for you. You grasp the concept of your own range of control. You forgive to release yourself of the anger, bitterness and stagnancy that comes with pain...not to make the other person feel better.
I understand...that I may never understand everything. That questions, doubts and even fear will trickle in like rain through a leaky pane. I can work hard every day to cast off the forces that threaten to hold me back...but, every so often...I will need to go back and re-learn these basic lessons to keep from losing track of who I am and what I'm purposed for.
"Life is a succession of events lived and learned and relived...when not learned." ~Da Kween
I'm a lover AND a fighter...I like the folks most don't. I walk to the beat of a drummer....who isn't REALLY in the band, but got the best beats. I am big on love..."I see you" where you're at...hopefully this blog helps you to see me, as well. Either Love me...or leave me alone!
Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. - a quote by Dinah Craik