The Lonely Poem

have you ever been so lonely,
that you remember
the embrace
from cold arms
of a past charmer?
have you ever been so lonely,
that you consider
going back
to a neglectful cat?
with a short reach...
and an attention span to match?
have you ever been so lonely,
that you consider dealing
with profanities,
infidelities,
insecurities,
obscenities,
idiosyncrasies...
possibly even a ode to thee...
on your knees...
just to get an "i love you"?
sometimes,
the void
is unending
the longing,
vacuous...
leaving room for
distorted images
of perfect times
of enveloping hugs
that felt like love...
even when it wasn't
that can make you want to
abandon abandonment...
for deluded contentment
have you ever been this lonely?
...i may have felt that lonely...
but i'm not.
not so lonely that i'd
suck up miles of shit
regurgitated and remixed
into a safety net
with a hole
the size of lonely's pain
and hate's despair...
not so lonely that i'd
toss my dignity
to the wind
attached to a feather...
even when the lonelies
sneak in 
and lay me down tearfully,
tucks me in with doubts...
wakes me up on the wrong side of the bed
gives me attitude
headaches from
love hangovers...
i'm
just
not
that lonely.