FUCK if this isn't getting harder with each passing day. We've got 10 more days in this challenge...and DAMNIT, I'm gonna make it interesting if it kills me....well, not really. lol
As we speak, I'm sitting here with EVOO (extra virgin olive oil) on my mane...b/c it was dry enough to spark and heat the block. I'm beautifying for tomorrow's hang out/birthday dinner with my girl Ce...um, Curvy Queen. LOL (she hates when her real name is on the net). I was supposed to relax it, but I didn't feel like burning tonight. I do it about every 6mos or so...and honestly, I'm getting tired of it. If I could afford it...I'd just let the Dominican chica up the block wash and set me for $20 every two weeks.
While trying to think of a blog topic...I came up with several things that I've heard pass my ears in the past few days. Couldn't settle on one so I'mma hit you with a summarized paragraph of each topic:
As I was standing in line at the Stop-N-Shop today, I saw at least 3 Rag Mags that had celebrities caught out there. Cheating discriminates against no one. Rich and poor, people lie and cheat on their mates. Folks divorcing and separating over extraneous affairs. I remember once on Myspace...a question was asked in a forum about why folks cheat and the answer for me comes down to 1 of 3 main factors. 1) Greed. People want to do what they want to sate their physical desires without consequence. Unfortunately, there are always consequences. 2) Fear. This can be a sub-factor in greed. You ever see a child eat a good plate of food who hasn't been fed in days? They eat past their satisfaction...because they feel like they'll never get any more. If a person is starved for their mates affection, acknowledgement and/or love...they will devour what's put before them. Fear can range from commitment phobes, to fear of failure, to fear of abandonment, etc. 3) Confidence. Some people need to know that they're the shit. That they have what it takes to make someone submit to their whim. Notches on the belt/bed post...blah blah blah. Someone who is to cocky too even give a damn about what loyalty entails or means. Perhaps it is also an inner lack of confidence that inspires the need for outside validation by the opposite (or same) sex.
A friend of mine mentioned that a woman who is celibate still gives head. For some reason this got to me. Straight up? Quit trying to separate penetration and oral sex. Sex is basically a physical act that takes place between two people, with pleasure as the result. If you received/gave pleasure...your ass had SEX! Someone's babies got released or swallowed? SEX! What makes me wonder...is if women and men (but mostly women) who claim celibacy, but perform oral sex refrain from the penetration aspect for the purpose of control. In my opinion, the purpose of celibacy is to maintain physical chastity for spiritual purposes or to wait for their intended spouse. Along the way, ethics, morals, standards, boundaries are established to adhere to those spiritual beliefs. If you're abstaining for the sake of respect or chastity...then why give head? If someone is going to love you for you, respect your ideals and choice to abstain...how will they do so if you use oral sex to subdue their desires for the sake of prolonging the relationship? Or even worse, for sake of good ole mind-fucking, because believe you me...if you're participating in sex talk and then oral, but continuing to pledge celibacy while asking for respect, I tend to think you're manipulating to get what you want, while putting up a facade. That's just me...maybe I'm wrong and just a Ms. Know-it-All. LOL
Also...abstinence and celibacy are two different things. Abstinence is a choice to refrain. There are no hidden ethics or religious/spiritual reasons. You may just not want to screw right now. Celibacy is like I said, for a purpose. Meaning there is motivation towards a more enlightened path. If you break abstinence...you're just getting some. If you break celibacy (for the wrong reasons) ...guilt or feelings of "backsliding" may be a residual emotion after the fact. (c) Conscience or regret.
OKAY...OKAY MOTHAFUCKAS!!! WE GET IT! US FAT FOLKS NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!! NOW...STFU!!!
It's entirely TOO much to keep hearing on a daily basis through commercials, music, movies, TV, radio...how fat seemingly equates to unattractive. FUCK YOU! I've got a belly, I've got fat arms and fat thighs and I have back fat. Do people THINK that overweight people sit around and PLAN to blow the fuck up? NO. We DON'T! I beat myself up from time to time for some random reason, but then I remember...who is perfect? Even someone with a banging body can't possibly behold the answer to the code for the Pearly Gates. Even slim folks get moments of insecurity from time to time. We're all flawed. Some of us have distorted frames, some distorted hearts and minds. In the fitting room earlier, I saw my stomach and got mad at myself...and then I smiled and said, "It's mine". It's my life, my temple...and I've been doing a good job moving/exercising and losing weight slowly. I'm doing it because I want to be healthier. Screw the way the world views me or the fears that some dude is gonna bypass me because I'm heavy and not thin. MY king, will recognize me and love ALL the fluff I've got. Period. In the meantime...I'm loving my gut, my arms, my back and the ass that never was. Small minded folks...kiss my back!
I'm a lover AND a fighter...I like the folks most don't. I walk to the beat of a drummer....who isn't REALLY in the band, but got the best beats. I am big on love..."I see you" where you're at...hopefully this blog helps you to see me, as well. Either Love me...or leave me alone!
Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. - a quote by Dinah Craik