Do You Take This Woman? ...Literally?

Everyday at work, in between bustling phone calls, being the copy whore and chuckling with my o-buds...I research. Something different daily to keep my mind spry on the down swings. I guess it's the nerd/geek in me, but to me it's a constructive way to keep me occupied and OFF Facebook as much as possible.


Recently, I've researched everything from French, Spanish & Greek alphabets, to constellations, to Greek/Roman mythology, to the origin of surnames. Today, I researched the bizarre origin of wedding traditions that many women utilize in their ceremonies in today's age.


This one article on CNN Living was especially educational and interesting. I shared my findings with a couple of people. We all were like wow...okay. O_O


Some of my favorite ones were this one for instance...

"The Garter Belt and Bouquet Toss"


"This pair of rituals has long been the scourge of the modern wedding guest. What could possibly be more humiliating than being forced out to the center of a parquet dance floor and being expected to demonstrate your desperation by diving for flying flowers?

How about grasping in the air for a lacy piece of undergarment that until moments ago resided uncomfortably close to the crotch of your buddy's wife? At any other point in time, that would make you seem wildly creepy. So why is it acceptable at a wedding?

It used to be that after the bride and groom said, "I do," they were to go immediately into a nearby room and consummate the marriage. Obviously, to really make it official, there would need to be witnesses, which basically led to hordes of wedding guests crowding around the bed, pushing and shoving to get a good view and hopefully to get their hands on a lucky piece of the bride's dress as it was ripped from her body.

Sometimes the greedy guests helped get the process going by grabbing at the bride's dress as she walked by, hoping for a few threads of good fortune. In time, it seems, people realized that this was all a bit, well... creepy, and it was decided that for modesty's sake the bride could toss her bouquet as a diversion as she made her getaway and the groom could simply remove an item of the bride's undergarments and then toss it back outside to the waiting throngs to prove that he was about to, uh, seal the deal."

WOW...really son? That's some freaky shit. Gathering all around the newlyweds bed to see him hit it? The crowd ripping off chica's gown to get a piece of her "good fortune"? (Because CLEARLY being almost forced to screw hubby in front of a gang of pervs is the absolute BEST fortune!)

Yea, that's some kinda crazy. I even got a kick out of the fact that the bridal party was originally meant to aid in distracting naysayers, ill-willed bastards and crazy exes. I guess in a way, that's a good damn idea...except of course the ex is some crazed gun-toting, knife-wielding maniac refusing to let anyone have you...since they can't. Can you imagine that? One of the bridesmaids getting snatched up and then tortured once Ex O'Nutso realizes he's grabbed the wrong broad to kidnap.

It's interesting that the tradition that women go ga-ga for is steeped in shotgun wedding techniques and forced unions for the sake of debts, status or sacrifice. How a family used their daughters as currency and bargaining chips. How brutal is that? It's unbelievable how the meaning has evolved into something glamorous and almost coveted. Women will beg, borrow and steal...often putting the future of said marriage in jeopardy...all for the sake of the most beautiful wedding they CANT afford. I guess we should just be lucky that we're doing it by choice, now...

Just kidnap me and call me Mrs., why don'tcha...