Bigger Person (Blah Blah Blah)

Sometimes...I just DON'T want to be the bigger person. If I gave you percentages for how much I DO take the high would be somewhere around the 98th percentile. I apologize, I check for, I shrug off PLENTY...but, sometimes...I deserve for folks to do that for ME. When the hell is someone gonna apologize to ME for once? ::hmph::

I have seen folks hold me to SUCH a high ass standard and then let fly-by-night folks get away with MURDER! WHAT is THAT about? I'm a little pissed right now and maybe if I just rant a little, it'll go away. (I hope)

~sighing audibly~

By NATURE I care. I love. I love folks so much that it could almost seem disingenuous to someone who isn't used to love. Everyday of my life I'm asking God for temperance...forgiveness and understanding and I try to give that to my fellow man...but some days, I feel like saying "whatever". Why should "I" be the one to be the "bigger person". Aren't I already physically weighty? LOL Why I gotta keep digging down into MY spiritual pocket for change of heart? Some of the folks that I've loved have done me DIRTY! I have let some go and some others...we've moved on past the hurts. What I've found is a recurring that those same folks who get mad at ME for being hurt by THEM...allow OTHERS to hurt them worse than anything I would ever do. Yet...they forgive THEM. 

Look. Before I go any further...I love y'all. I know that this is a public forum and I'm opening up my situation for dissection. What I don't want to hear right now is the whole "Season, Reason, Lifetime" shit. Save that for a day when Kween is more receptive to her OWN normal dogma. Today...I'm a woman with hurt feelings and a need to vent...

All, I'm I am always made to feel like I'm the WORSE person and it's annoying as hell when MY record says I've done all I could, been supportive, been (at times) the SOLE cheerleader on a team of one and the moment a misunderstanding goes down, or time passes and I leave them to the choices they've made...I look up to see folks with AT-TEE-TOOD. Especially, when I'm thinking shit is okay.

I've gotta learn to let shit go. I soak up all kinds emotions from so many people and places [empath energy] so sometimes it's a little hard to pack it up and drop it off. I'm getting better at it...but, I'm human. My chest doesn't encase a titanium heart...I AM affected by the things people say and do to me.

I suppose, I need to be grateful for those who DO show me the kind of love I give...and not worry on the foolishness of other people's pride and inability to see me for who I am. Forgiveness is always for you. That's what I tell my friends. I guess I must tell myself the same thing. I am learning that forgiveness doesn't have to be spoken for it to take effect. Though...some apologies need to be heard...and even if no one did anything specific, there's a point where you concede and either move on or rebuild. I'm seeing that folks are doing a pretty damn good job of moving on, so that's what I have to do, too.

Thanks for reading...or not.

5 scopers scoping:


(((hugs))) i can dig it Kween

Afrodeezha said...

I don't think we always have to be the bigger person. Sometimes you have to stand up and say what you feel.

You are one of the most loving and forgiving people I know. You deserve to be "little" every now and again.


Monifa said...

You know I can understand sis. I love you and I see you! Those lames want yes people that will be phony and tell them what they want to hear. They're weak minded and weak willed and so when someone gives them the attention and adoration that they seek they dwell on it and if that person somehow screws them over and superficially apologizes they forgive and accept the BS. I could go on with my theories and analyzations but I won't so to sum up how I feel here goes... F*ck them other b*tches because I'm down for my sister, LOL.

Thee_Kween said...

@Budda~ (((HUGS)))

@Dee~ Thank you sis...I needed to get this out. ((HUGS))

Thee_Kween said...

Aww My Twin by 6!! LOL you a hot mess...but, I love you. We rock hard ALWAYS!!

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