Dia Tres~ Something I Have To Forgive Myself For

I can honestly say that I tend to forgive myself for the very things I forgive others for. Sometimes it's a lapse of judgment or memory. Sometimes it's a selfish act that brings about immediate regret and sometimes it's just not knowing any better.

Yet, there is one thing I have to forgive myself for that I tend to kick myself in the ass about. To date it's the worst crime of all, because it's part sin and equal hypocrisy. *hanging head in shame*

...I had an emotional affair with a married man. 

For months, we talked, bonded and became dependent on each other for the emotional support we didn't feel anyone else was giving us. It started out as a friendship...and snowballed into loving moments that eventually resulted in us meeting. We were intensely attracted to one another...but something was wedged between us that wouldn't allow us to go any further. I'm thankful for that "intervention" because I know that I would have NEVER forgiven myself if that would've happened.

I ended things. Mostly because I seriously couldn't live with myself. I couldn't sleep. It haunted me. I'm such a believer in love and marriage and family...and here I was..."Ms. Kween of Love"...betraying the very thing I yearned for. That alone...was reason for me to get it together. How...HOW could I ask God to give me a dutiful and faithful husband, while I was doing "THIS". No way. This isn't who I am. This isn't how I live. My moment of weakness had allowed me to be consumed by something that was out of my character and I despised myself in my thoughts behind it. So I let it go...unfortunately, a couple of other friendships suffered in the middle of it all and I found myself (in my opinion) paying almost immediately for my sin.

Wow...what a truth. I hope everyone else is keeping it this real or my ass is gonna be the example of the challenge for how real NOT to be. lmao

8 scopers scoping:

The God'ess said...

Your truths are 1000 times better than some people's. I can feel the sincerity in your blogs. Others...not so much.

Thee_Kween said...

Thank you, God'ess...I'm taking it very seriously.


i respect you for sharing that...tomorrow is my day 3 and i will have to muster up the courage to tell my truth loving this "challenge" look forward to reading more of your truths.

Butterfly Effect said...

I got your back. I'm assed out too. LOL These blogs are indeed getting harder and harder to write. If we see this through... we ROCK! Plain and simple.

Thee_Kween said...

LOL, I just read yours and WOW is all I can say. You took it there! We do indeed ROCK!!

Caprice Starbrite said...

Loving it! I'm gonna get it together. My brain is in overdrive! LET'S GO!!

Mahoganydymond said...

I agree with the Goddess...

Thee_Kween said...

Thanks Mah

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