Dia Seis~ Something I Hope I Never Have To Do

Well, I already buried my grandmother...and even though the little grand-baby in me doesn't want to face it, there is a strong possibility that in the future I will say goodbye to another.

I don't want to have to bury either of parents...but, such is the cycle of life that we're supposed to bury our parents...I fear this with every ounce of me.

I can't imagine being parent-less. I can't imagine talking to doctors and making life-changing decisions concerning my mother or father. I don't want to arrange a funeral/memorial. I don't want to look down at their "earth suits" and have to remember them instead of HAVE them.

I don't want to bury not NARE 'nother family member or friend!

YES...YES, I GET IT! I knoooow! I KNOOOW!!!!! I know that's not realistic. ::pause for a sob:: 

Shit happens. Life ends. I just can't lose another person right now or no time soon. I know it's selfish, but I'd rather it be me than anyone I cherish. I'm not saying my life is less important...but, everyone I know has a child or a dependent of some kind...they're needed. I am childless and though I know my family and friends love me...need me, logic is that they'll miss me, but not as much as the most significant people in their their babies. Their mates.

I know, the logic is screwy...but, I'm a punk when it comes to this. Maybe this is the grief talking. It'll be a year on March 2nd, 2011 that my grandmother has been gone. Perhaps if this is asked of me a year from now, my perspective will change and become something frivolous. I'd rather it be something else right now...but, it's the thing I dread the most.

That's my truth today...

3 scopers scoping:

The God'ess said...

I've done it twice (both of my mothers) and even though my father is up in age, I dread doing it again. Like you said, it's the circle of life and while I pray that I don't outlive my 3 stooges, I know that saying goodbye to my daddy will be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do in life.

I so feel you on this. Great post.

Butterfly Effect said...

I'm right there with you. I don't even want to think about losing my mother or anyone I care deeply for.. *sigh*

Thee_Kween said...

Yea...*sighing, too*

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