"It is a proficient life that springs upward and not rest in the shell of a seed..." ~Kween
Okay, so I'm no Socrates...or Homer Simpson, but you get it. I'm a work in progress, just like everyone else on this green and blue thing. I'm doing the best I can most days. Yet, you would think that at 37, I'd get a hang of certain things. Surely, I'm evolving and learning (and re-learning) "keys" of life. So, indeed...mistakes will be made, habits unmasked, lies...self-told as well...will find their way into the light. They will become the disease and tumors that we spiritually scalpel away at with intent to free the body of our lives from the pains. I am under the x-ray...currently viewing myself...but the adage goes, "It is a fool who has himself as a client/patient". I think. LOL
We can only do but SO much doctoring to ourselves. We can only view within as deep as our scope can go. At some point, the outside view of loved ones (and sometimes people with no investment at all) are necessary to properly measure, for lack of better term...our fucked-up-ness. O_o
Today at work, two ladies I respect and like a LOT got into it over a miscommunication concerning a shift. One called me to see if I could cover long enough for her to return and the other to take her lunch. When I went to ask the receptionist if she needed me to sit for her...she asked why. I lied. I said just because I've done it before. I haven't been there at the job as long as they've known one another. I didn't want to say too much. I was trying to be neutral...it didn't work. She sensed I hadn't told the truth and called me on it. I admitted that I had but for good reasons. (This is where you realize ONCE again, that even a white lie has big repercussions). She was offended and let me know so...a LOT. Unfortunately...I wasn't in the mood to be brow-beaten and subsequently chided. I backed down gracefully. The headache gnawing at the rear of my brain refused me any normal come backs. I apologized. Yet, it wasn't enough. She went into how her day began screwed up and my lie was icing on a fallen, lop-sided cake. I wanted to know if I was paying for someone else's crap. She said no...I silently differed.
Here I am...learning for the umpteenth time in my 37 years...that lying...for WHATEVER reason, has it's consequence.
I also sat and talked with my b-fly, Joy...and learned some things about myself. I knew them, but I needed reminding...just so I can work on them more than I have. *clearing throat* I...Kali aka Kween...have a problem hearing things about myself! :)
I'm learning, I'm trying, I'm open to the input of my loved ones...I pride myself on that. Just in case you didn't hear me on the phone, Joy...I VALUE your opinion and your insight. You have a LOT to offer...don't ever think otherwise. Intelligence doesn't beat out heart....EVER!!
Over and out...I must go evolve. ;)