Hmmm...my 37th year was some kinda year. Who would've known that I'd leave it with a few less friends and an ex. Who would've known that I'd gain a few more friends who've been my Rocks of Gibraltar. Who would've known that I'd have less patience, less tolerance, more attitude...~sigh~
Who would've known that I'd leave with one less...grandmother.
My champion, my counselor, my Cancerian comedienne...someone I could go to and tell her the things that I felt silly saying to others.
I miss you, Grandma.
I miss your mischievous chuckle. Your sassy, no-nonsense wit, your loving ways, and that "knowing" that few others tap into. I miss hearing you call me "Baby Love". I miss your need to see my wallet (because you never believed me when I said I had money, LOL). I miss how you'd feign disappointment when I took too long a break between phone calls.
I'll miss your yearly Christmas card...money or no money.
I remember the year you bought me an electric organ, on which I learned to play "Home on the Range" and "Silent Night". No wonder I love the piano so much now...I should take lessons one day.
I remember how when Monifa and I were kids, you'd make SURE that daddy got us something nice or at least gave us money...no matter what else he did, you made him put us first. You'd hound him come Fridays so he'd remember my $20 allowance and Monifa's $10...We secretly licked our tongues at him for it. LOL
I remember the last time you sent me money...I knew something was wrong. You needed Uncle Jerry's home care aide to write my address down for you. I've never known you to need someone to write for you. That worried me. Then your voice with all of it's life and the way you spoke as if you were smiling...gone...replaced with the frail echo of sickness...
Our last conversation...you promising me you'd go to the doctor, me afraid it was too late...
At least our last words were, "I love you"...and I do.
I'm a lover AND a fighter...I like the folks most don't. I walk to the beat of a drummer....who isn't REALLY in the band, but got the best beats. I am big on love..."I see you" where you're at...hopefully this blog helps you to see me, as well. Either Love me...or leave me alone!
Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. - a quote by Dinah Craik