There's a saying among my people..."She/he is acting BRAND new..." If you're unfamiliar with this colloquialism...it's meant to infer that someone has "forgotten themselves". There are a few specific instances where people MOSTLY forget themselves and act "brand new":
~ They get some money
~ They get MORE money
~ They get a new house, car, etc.
~ They get a new mate O__0 (Yea...I'm talking to you)
Now, let me go ahead and get the bullshit out of the way. I am NOT bitter. I am justifiably pissed off. Those two things are vastly different. When someone has used your friendship and love as a tool, betrays your bond and then turns around and wants to remain friends (which is code for, "Please don't get mad at me and make me feel bad")...there's something that kicks up in me that gets disgusted and appalled by the audaciousness of some folks CLEARLY high off their own supply.
So, what has prompted me to write this is as much a cathartic necessity as it is a source of "info-tainment" for you all. I love that I can come here, share my world (if I so choose) and know you all are going to be honest, open and respectful as you read and comment. ~mwah~ ;)
Anywho...When you are someone's friend, intended love, family member, etc...you build up a base of honesty and trust. From that other traits of bonding are birthed, which causes endearment. Time and energy spent insinuating yourself into someone's heart and soul...should be valued to the tune of invaluable. Someone, willing to allow you access to their heart and happiness...should be considered and given the utmost respect. I take no one in my life lightly. If God saw fit for us to be a part of each other's lives...I do everything within my power to keep those ties tightly bound with love and all that encompasses it. Does it always work? Of course it doesn't, but that's my hope.
What I know is not to expect that everyone is like me. I don't expect people to do what I do, feel how I feel or react the way I would. Yet, there is SOME sense of expectancy in a relationship of give and take (which is why unconditional love is so hard to attain.) When a person presents themselves as capable and starts off on the right foot...it is disconcerting when they drop the ball and pretend it never happened. I try my best to be accountable for my actions. If I hurt you, I'd hope you would tell me. Whether I intended to or not, believed I did or not...I'm going to apologize and take stock of my mistake so as not to repeat it. When someone hurts me...I often find that most aren't willing to do the same. Having said all of this...when someone you trust is ALL in (to the point of going so hard you question it's sincerity) and then abandons your friendship/love all because they've found something better, more convenient, newer...it leaves a bad taste.
The "brand new" comparison comes in RIGHT here...
Some people are so inherently selfish that when they're in friendships/relationships...they THINK they're giving of themselves, but what they're offering is base attention and not deep affection. When someone does something consistently in a superficial or let's call it...in a more habitual manner...it can mask itself as the consistency that reinforces love. Yet, in order to be in any kind of love relationship one has to be in touch with who they are and understand what love is. What their OWN worth is...so that when doling out love in an exchange, they will have something to measure it against. That way, self love is readying you to give that very thing you desire and deserve to those around you. In other words, treating people the way you want to be treated.
So when some of the selfish folks get what they need/want...or accomplish a goal of intimacy or conquest...they move on. Moving on is fine, but you should remember to never burn that bridge. You never know if what you got from that person is something you may need to tap into again. For anyone to shrug off justified anger and hurt because they don't want to be held accountable, don't want to feel the discomfort of having a mirror held to them...is simply cruel, cold and irresponsible. We are indeed responsible for the feelings of those we care for and if you don't feel that way, then perhaps you need to reassess your heart space. So to then bask joyfully in their new life choice as if they haven't done a thing wrong...is acting "brand new".
Remember this...You can TRY to create a flawless future all you like, but you may also want to make amends with your peppered past. Don't think for one moment that your current happiness with your "newness" is under Karma's radar. That chick has a GPS on all assholes, bitchasses and wrong-doers. You'd better PRAY that your new found shiny outer coating is gleaming bright enough to blind her to your ways. Then again...she CAN smell fear.
Oh, you thought you weren't fearful? Yes...oh, yes...most selfish folks are FEARFUL. They fear rejection, loneliness, judgment, accountability, etc. That's why