Why Do We Do That?

Why do we self delude?

You know...tell ourselves certain things knowing that we're just trying to cope or fight against the truth?

"He loves me, but he's just got issues"...well, don't we ALL? Is it really an excuse for someone to mistreat you? What does it say about folks...male and female...that they'll stick it out with a loser? "I'm just being a supportive mate" or "I love them for who they are..."...word? Even if that person is selfish and doesn't give a damn about YOU? I want to know why WE do that? And the "we" is just referring to those of us who can admit that we've done it. The fact that "we've" made excuses for someone's blatant disinterest and disregard.

Why do we torture ourselves?

You know...beat ourselves up for all the mistakes we've made, for the people we've trusted and the relationships we've lost. Again...we, is in reference to those who have experienced this. I had to realize one day...that if I could say that I gave my all...if I could say that I'd been honest about my wants and needs...that I'd worked on myself in the process...then I'd done well. Therefore I could relax and stop back punting my own ass. I'm not responsible for anyone but me...period.

Why do we create rules for ourselves in order to avoid pain? (Joy, this ones for you you, sis) LOL

You know...we say we'll NEVER do this...or we'll NEVER think of doing that thing we did when we were blind-sided the first time which is usually something we don't even remotely remember doing in the first place. We say we'll ONLY do this one thing (like date and have fun) and NEVER be accessible for emotional attachment (while secretly yearning for the one to do the total opposite of our never ending never rules). OY VEY...why does it have to be so complicated?

Why do we do that? Why do we allow mediocrity to overrun us and seep in creating doubt in our spirits? Why do we look at being alone as some death sentence? For the record...being single is not REALLY being's not having a steady person to be with. There is STILL fun, happiness and life in not having a mate. Yet, if we're single because we're trying to avoid pain...that is when we've begun to do that thing that will eventually lead to the question...Why do I do this?

"We" probably already know the answer.

8 scopers scoping:

Butterfly Effect said...

We are hoping that we will trick our minds into thinking what we want it to believe...instead of letting our minds dwell on the real things. And yes, I had to create some rules for myself. I was too naive and too susceptible to the bullshit. Yep, so I have some traps, snappers, and explosives attached to my heart just in case someone tries to penetrate.

And you are right. There is nothing wrong with being single. I'm enjoying it. :)

25champ said...

I don't think that I self delude. I've made excuses for specific actions maybe."She went threw my cell cause she got trust issues" and so on, but never mistreating me. I'm not big on direspect and that goes for fam or friends, but I do agree that alot of people do this. I think we as people have a need to feel validated that's why we also seek advice from unsuccessful people. We tell people our business who haven't made their own relationships work. I think it's contagious. After awhile you just settle for whatever d ck head that comes along.

Da_Kween said...

@BE~ I totally get it. I wish I was better at remembering the pain instead of the idyllic portions. This rose-colored heart of mine needs reconfiguration. I often wish for being that cold bitch...she tends to get respected.

And yes...being single is what's hot in the streets now. lol

@Champ~ You're right about telling our business. It's true. I've learned that the mate is and should be the focus of your communication...otherwise you can damage your relationship with input from people who MAY not really give a damn if your relationship works or not.

I'd never settle for "dick" dick needs a brain and a heart attached to it. Your average "dick" can go *bleep* one. LMAO

Mahoganydymond said...

I wonder the same thing.. Why I keep doing that? Why I keep putting myself out there for that same person to do it all again..

I just don't know.. Sometimes people love pain more than happiness.. It is easier to sit alone and cry.. Than to go out in the public and front with a smile..

I still yet to find out what happiness mean... So I guess that is why I keep doing that...

Da_Kween said...

I agree on the "sometimes people love pain more than happiness" takes a strong person to FEEL the pain and not dwell in it. ~sigh~ I pray we get it right, Mah.

Kandia said...

I've done it...I think we all have at some point. Telling ourselves it ain't really what it is so we could either linger in it longer hoping it gets better, or as a way to cope after it's all said and done. I never want to become that cold bitter "b" that can do without love but I am becoming a lot wiser in my choices and who I allow into my life. It's great that they are crazy about me but I'm paying more attention to who I'm actually crazy about and how I feel about them. To thine own self be true.

Andrew Boyd said...

*Standing Ovation!!!*

I try teching these KIDS that, and they'll never get it.

From personal observation, the young mentalitied women are the ones eating that up, and it makes me sick to the core. I mean, are you REALLY viewing yourself as such to where you yourself don't know your worth? *SMH*

Beautifully Said!!!

Da_Kween said...

@Kandia~ I agree...not being cold, but just being discriminating in the choices we make...

@Andrew~ Um, honey...did you mean to comment on "Hey, Thick and Sexy..."?

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