What is it that keeps us women separated and at odds?

I've seen so much BS cross my path in just 2yrs. Was there any wonder that I kept my friends down to a deuce? I think that also with the rise in use of the Internet, that drama has increased 100 fold. If you think its enough of a task to stay drama free in the real world, where you meet a few people you like here and there...imagine a list of "friends" in the hundreds.

One of our biggest men. LAWD, us and men. Now, don't get me wrong...I don't fight FOR men or ABOUT men. I think its inane and useless. If I find that a man that I've been interested in or what's more...involved with, is having relations with the next woman...HIS ass is mine. Not hers. She doesn't owe me a thing. When in a relationship the man owes me the respect to be honest and faithful. If he isn't, then he is the wrong party. In a lot of instances, the woman doesn't even know that she's just one of many. She looks up and realizes (probably when he can no longer successfully juggle the harem) that her time is every other chick's time, too. She finally sees that his boys are really girls. His late nights working are late nights twerking it, and his low libido isn't his being tired from work, its being tired from getting worked over. To find out that your man is lying to you, betraying you and making you look like a fool is hard, but come on sistas...put the blame where it belongs. Your MAN is at fault, and probably in some small are you. Accountability demands that you look back in retrospect at your behavior, decisions and neglect of the situation and find yourself in that heap of twisted relationship. How many times did you sense he was lying, but decided to avoid it out of the desire to "keep the peace". Whatever it was, it helped lead to a point where you and your man are having problems, so its not fair to lose it on the "mistress" because she's an easier target. IT'S HIM! So deal with HIS ass.

NOW...this moves onto a different situation. I gotta tell situation is 100% perfect. We don't always meet people who are healthily over their exes, have NO emotional ties to other people, or have their commitment issues all worked out. We often deal with people who have "circumstances" and "personal problems", but the end result is the same...chaos. If a man is in a situation when you meet him that is suspicious or drips with "open-ended ties" then to proceed forward can be a wrong move on your part. Especially online, I've seen women track a brotha's activity on his page at a certain site and watch the ladies' comments in order to figure out who it is he's seeing. Who is in the #1 spot, who says the word "love" and "baby" too much. Eventually, in spite of seeing that there IS a woman who stands out, she allows herself to be reeled in and made to feel special. At times, the man will even tell her about the woman she suspects he's close to...often making her out to be desperate, crazy...a stalker, even. On the other side, theres a woman who believed this man loved her when he said it. Committed herself to him, even though there were signs that he could be yanking her, SHE is there believing that she's gotten thisclose to love and it escaped her. On HER end, he "got scared" or got turned off by something she said or did. Yep, dude is over there making her believe its her fault...probably because he saw YOU online and decided that what you were offering could be better...or easier. So, you're over there feeling yourself...thinking somehow that you're the better woman, because he's described this other chick as a lame ass, gullible, desperado who took his "friendship" for a relationship...when, he's been over there telling her the world is theirs to have...if only she'd let him in. Sound familiar?

Why ladies? Why do women allow men to pit us against each other? Allow us to give each other the evil eye. Plod over the next woman's toes to get to a man. Disregard the woman he's already with or had intentions on being with...all because he said the right things and coaxed you into believing you were different and no one compares?

Quite possibly, if we were smarter...less desperate for the attentions of a man...less petty, catty and envious of the next woman's position...we might get it. "It" meaning...the gist of it. The lesson to be learned...that if we're respectful of our own selves, the next woman's position, and the basic sisterhood between us, we wouldn't be getting thrown around in a continuous cycle of bull. You know? Abusive, superficial, dysfunctional relationships where we're just the understudy to a leading actress. didn't know? That most of these cycles are perpetuated because the leading man cant have the leading lady in his own fantasies? He's been dismissed, taken for granted, dumped or just plain didn't measure up to HER standards, so he's looking for HER in every one of YOU! He's taking out on YOU everything he couldn't with her...because SHE was smart enough not to stick around once she discovered he was half-assing everything in the relationship! Perhaps if we commanded more respect with our own would make it hard for these playas to play on. The less we'd take it...the quicker they'd get their act together, because they'd know that they have to work harder at capturing the heart of a good woman. They'd know that they couldn't just throw together some weak game and make women lose their minds over them. Especially if sisters weren't so quick to throw each other under the bus in order to get at them.

So...does it make sense now? Does it look like a good idea to line up in a never ending line of crap, just because some dude said the right thing? Hit the right spot? Filled the void that's been missing? You get to play queen for a day...all to be the crazy, stalker chick in his life to the next one. Now, the sister you thought you were better than...had it all over...was nothing sitting right beside you on the sidelines of love...alone.

Wanna talk about it?

6 scopers scoping:

Anonymous said...

This post is the truth as if handed down on the original stone tablets. I bruised my head once over the internet “thing” but my ideologue is basically what you written here.

I haven’t a problem with the next woman who has every right to pursue happiness and the love of a good man cause if I have vie for his affection or deal with his lack thereof, then obviously he wasn’t the one for me.

It would be good if we as women could forge some type of kinship with one another because in all actuality that’s what gives the “playas” home field advantage; we’re so quick to believe that the next woman is trying to throw “salt” in his game when it could just be that the next woman is trying to put you up on it.

~Mocha Mixx

Da_Kween said...

VERY true, Mocha! Sometimes a sista is waving a flag on the charge...not necessarily tryna get HIS attention. we >>here<<

CurvyGurl ♥ said...

Preach, sista! This right here speaks volumes..."I don't fight FOR men or ABOUT men."

Da_Kween said...

I mean, sis...the point *for this old-fashioned girl* is to be pursued. Not to pursue...what kinda mess is that? Have women become so desperate for men that they become the chaser? Nah uh...pursue ME, win MY heart, prove to me that you're worthy of my


Untouched Jewel said...

Kween, I also believe that the reason why women hate on each other when it comes to the opposite sex, because we know that the one woman our man is looking at will jump ship at a moment's notice to be with her and leave us hanging. I have been on both sides of the fence, and it's not a good look in either position. But I do agree with you in what you said about the leading lady and the understudy. A man is looking for that "ideal", but because his GAME (stress that word with emphasis) is so whack and tired, the leading lady ain't falling for it, so once he's tried and failed to win over the leading lady, he'll settle for the understudy (with the illusion of her being the leading lady. Kween, it all makes perfect sense to me.
Truth be told, I've been the understudy one time too many. Now it's my turn to be the leading lady that a man has to bend over backwards to win over.

Da_Kween said...

I feel you. I don't want to be ANY man's consolation prize. I'm so much more than that. Any man who has me or even a mere opportunity to have me is lucky. I have to know that before HE can know that. It's a learning process...I just wish that people period would check themselves at the door instead of being so quick to put someone else in their place. Charity begins at home.

Find It


Like Me a LOT

GGX Jewels

GGX Jewels
Inspire Your Inner Diva

The Beautiful Blogger Award

The Beautiful Blogger Award
Aw, Champ...for ME?

Kween's Sentry Registered & Protected

Lia Sophia

Lia Sophia
Contact JoAnn Monroe for beautiful jewelry

The Love & Truth Challenge

The Love & Truth Challenge

Networked Blogs


I Love Your Blog

I Love Your Blog
Thanks Cook!

The Versatile Blogger Award

The Versatile Blogger Award
Thanks Champ!