Scopers


80 More Years Please...


I don't know why...but lately when I speak to my grandmother I worry. She turned 80 in July on the 16th. I teased her and asked had she turned 8...she played along. My grandmother has been a mainstay in my life since I can remember. God blessed me with 2...yet this grandmother...my dad's mother...has been monumental in shaping my personality. With my maternal grandmother, she's a lot different. I love her to pieces as well...but she and my mom are cut from the same cloth. Very detached emotionally, my grandmother isn't one for niceties and affection. For goodness sakes, she signs her cards with her full government handle like we're not her peeps. She's 100 times more caring and giving to her church family than her own blood. You could get in really good with my grandmother if you're a stranger.

Not so with my dad's mom. I lived with her for the majority of my adolescence. She was loving and nurturing. She taught me about the importance of a woman's hygiene, she taught me to be a lady and she taught me how to love. I craved my mom's love and attention, but she was never accessible on that level. My grandmother told me she loved me everyday. She let me make my own choices. All through my childhood my grandmother went to church faithfully every Sunday...but she never made me go. She DID encourage me to read the Bible though. If I asked to go to church, she'd take me...otherwise she left me to decide for self. My mom forced me once we moved back in together...and though I have benefited from some of those years...they were tough on our relationship. My grandmother is quite the cook. She made a lot of things from scratch...but played to my childish palate with things like Shake n Bake BBQ chicken, when she could very well have made homemade sauce. I have great memories of my grandmother...and some that aren't. The years I spent living with her, my father and my uncle were sometimes traumatic because both of her sons were doing drugs and alcohol for most their lives. (They both are now clean and sober; dad almost 13yrs, my uncle almost 16) Yet, in spite of all the fights and struggles and sicknesses...they remained loyal to one another and have been there through each other's most trying times. I learned that from dad's side.

So, when I talk to my grandma...and I hear the frailty in her voice. I hear how she hasn't been feeling well (even though she puts on her bravest voice) I often become afraid. I fear the day someone will call me and tell me she's no longer here. To say that my heart would break is an understatement...she IS my heart. I know...she can't live forever. But if I had one wish right now...I'd ask for 80 more years with her.

4 scopers scoping:

. said...

I know exactly what you mean. My Granny (my mom's mom) is up there too. I dread when I check on her every morning. I know one day I'll have to face life with out her, but I hope it's a long time from now.

Da_Kween said...

**hugs to you and your granny from me and mine**

funkyblackchick said...

awww your grandmother sounds like mine..she's 78 yrs old and we've been tryng to get her to move down to md, so she won't be alone in the jerz, it's been a battle but hopefully she'll come to her senses soon!

my grandmother is more of a grandmother to my son than my own mother, who's 10 min. away, is!

Da_Kween said...

That don't make no kinda sense...but then it does. I think for a long time my grandmother was my "mom" and my mom was family I visited on the weekends. My mother would probably cringe if she saw this, but its true.

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