So I'M Crazy, Huh?

Yea, Okay...


I've learned a LOT in relationships. Not just how to be in one or leave one...but, I learned HUMAN observation. My "expertise" so to speak ranges from a man who was 22yrs my senior...to one 4yrs my junior. You want to know what? NEITHER was different than the other. Ole dude was no more mature than the young chicken tender. They BOTH were big babies when they got sick. They BOTH used the same tactics when we argued. They BOTH thought I was pretty but they hated to say it. (The FUCK?) They both were cool and calm as if the were unaffected by me...but, the moment I said I was done, they would all of a sudden remember how much they loved me...well, the old dude did.


Anyway...I've noticed a few key factors that took place in our relationship. Especially, when we disagreed or I found fault in something done...these factors would spring up like a psycho w/a knife. 


DEFLECTION:


GEEZ LA-MUHFUCKIN-WEEZ. If I ask you a damn question...or I bring something to your attention, PLEASE do not come back with, "What do you mean?" or "What's wrong with you? Why you acting crazy?" MAAAAAN, do NOT make me go get a plunger and plunge your mouth until that bullshit comes up and out. :::woosah::: (I'm working on the hostility I promise... but, this shit makes the underside of my boobies itch). What I hate about the "art of deflection" is that I know it's done to 1) Confuse 2) Shut you down 3) Pluck my last damn nerve. If a man can make you feel like it's YOU...then you'll question the grounds on which you brought the issue to them. Once you do that, your argument loses it's pace and you come to a screeching halt. A true "WhereTF am I going with this?" moment. NOTHING takes the wind out of your sails quicker than being made to feel a number of things ranging from, insecure (their favorite word), paranoid, clingy, childish, etc. The act of being labeled something that invalidates your feelings ALONE is enough to make the average woman run crying to her friends asking, "Am I crazy?". No girl...he's a punk.


A woman like me? I'm gonna get to the juice of the matter. Like when my other ex had a chick on his page and she called herself his "wifey". When I asked, he claimed not to know her... after all this was his Myspace page...and who does Myspace anymore? So, I said (knowing that this was the test of if he REALLY knew her or not) "Delete her...I want her gone. Delete the comments and her." Well, he went into how he wasn't going to have all this drama on his page and how it made no sense to even keep the page since he was never there...and I said, "I don't get it. All of that deleting crap...not necessary. Delete HER!!" ...because "I" knew that if she meant nothing...it would MEAN nothing for him to get rid of her. I wouldn't have even had to ask. The fact that she was causing a rift would've been cause enough to get her ass deleted into cyber oblivion. He deleted the comments...but not her...and surely not the page. We eventually broke up...and to this day I'm sure that chick is there. Deflection is mostly used as a form of defense when guilty. An innocent man needs no defense other than the truth. PERIOD.


Being in a relationship is surely a give and take exchange. It will not ALWAYS be equal, but there will be a sense of reciprocation that keeps you from feeling like you're in a relationship alone. You shouldn't feel like expressing your feelings is the end of your relationship. It certainly shouldn't feel like in order to keep peace, you must keep your gripes to yourself for fear they'll leave or coin you as some insecure whiner. Fuckouttahereyo....






PASSIVE AGGRESSIVENESS:


This right HERE...is something that'll make me look at you, get up and walk out. REALLY? I mean it's cute if your man says playing, "I sure could use a massage...by my nurse" :wink wink: {{insert woman getting the picture and coming in with a very short "something" on to get things popping}} Anything else...is again...some punk ass shit.


For instance, my ex (the older one) used to say that "Everything is fine" when asked what was wrong...but then turn around and have an attitude or need coddling in some way. Men HATE when women do this...but, plenty of men do it to us. I wonder if they realize they're doing it? Say what you mean, mean what you say. If you're bothered...say so. If you're annoyed, say so. What makes communication fail the fastest is pretending things are okay when they're not. Using silence and short talk as a punisher to make your mate feel badly...which in turn (because women are naturally compassionate and nurturing) makes us want to tend to your ego. If that's the point of it all...wow. You can cut out the bullshit and say, "I need you, right now...I'm going through something." 


"You get more bees with honey than with vinegar..." ~old adage


I had a charge once...a 4yr old boy who was smart as a whip. He used to say things that would have me cracking up! One day I was eating an apple and he said, "That apple suuuure looks good...I bet it tastes good, too." (Mind you...he'd eaten breakfast not too long before and this was MY breakfast). I mumbled, "Mmm hmm" and continued eating my Golden Delicious. Several minutes went by and he finally asked, "Aunt Kali, may I have an apple?" I replied, "Yes, baby...you sure can."  On another day as we were watching Spongebob Squarepants...he says (while still facing the TV) "I KNOW my mom sent a snack for me...I wonder if it's in there..." I said NOTHING. I giggled silently as I listened to this 4yr old child learn his way around passive aggressiveness at such a young age. He said it once more before turning to me and asking, "Aunt Kali, may I have my snack now?" Without missing a beat, I said, "You sure can, baby...and for future references...don't beat around the bush. If you're hungry tell Aunt Kali and I'll get you something." He never did it again.


Closed mouths don't get fed. You can't begin to get your needs fulfilled if you BS around the cause with moans, loud sighs, long faces and shrugs. SAY what it is...it's the quickest route to discussing it and getting past it.


We're SUPPOSED to be in relationships to enhance each other...be GOOD to one another. We're supposed to listen to our mates and consider their feelings. It shouldn't be a one-sided saga of, "I'm right and you're crazy". If a person doesn't want to do these things...they might want to reconsider partnership all together.


...but, I'M the crazy one, huh?


...bastum