Scopers


So I'M Crazy, Huh?


Yea, Okay...


I've learned a LOT in relationships. Not just how to be in one or leave one...but, I learned HUMAN observation. My "expertise" so to speak ranges from a man who was 22yrs my senior...to one 4yrs my junior. You want to know what? NEITHER was different than the other. Ole dude was no more mature than the young chicken tender. They BOTH were big babies when they got sick. They BOTH used the same tactics when we argued. They BOTH thought I was pretty but they hated to say it. (The FUCK?) They both were cool and calm as if the were unaffected by me...but, the moment I said I was done, they would all of a sudden remember how much they loved me...well, the old dude did.


Anyway...I've noticed a few key factors that took place in our relationship. Especially, when we disagreed or I found fault in something done...these factors would spring up like a psycho w/a knife. 


DEFLECTION:


GEEZ LA-MUHFUCKIN-WEEZ. If I ask you a damn question...or I bring something to your attention, PLEASE do not come back with, "What do you mean?" or "What's wrong with you? Why you acting crazy?" MAAAAAN, do NOT make me go get a plunger and plunge your mouth until that bullshit comes up and out. :::woosah::: (I'm working on the hostility I promise... but, this shit makes the underside of my boobies itch). What I hate about the "art of deflection" is that I know it's done to 1) Confuse 2) Shut you down 3) Pluck my last damn nerve. If a man can make you feel like it's YOU...then you'll question the grounds on which you brought the issue to them. Once you do that, your argument loses it's pace and you come to a screeching halt. A true "WhereTF am I going with this?" moment. NOTHING takes the wind out of your sails quicker than being made to feel a number of things ranging from, insecure (their favorite word), paranoid, clingy, childish, etc. The act of being labeled something that invalidates your feelings ALONE is enough to make the average woman run crying to her friends asking, "Am I crazy?". No girl...he's a punk.


A woman like me? I'm gonna get to the juice of the matter. Like when my other ex had a chick on his page and she called herself his "wifey". When I asked, he claimed not to know her... after all this was his Myspace page...and who does Myspace anymore? So, I said (knowing that this was the test of if he REALLY knew her or not) "Delete her...I want her gone. Delete the comments and her." Well, he went into how he wasn't going to have all this drama on his page and how it made no sense to even keep the page since he was never there...and I said, "I don't get it. All of that deleting crap...not necessary. Delete HER!!" ...because "I" knew that if she meant nothing...it would MEAN nothing for him to get rid of her. I wouldn't have even had to ask. The fact that she was causing a rift would've been cause enough to get her ass deleted into cyber oblivion. He deleted the comments...but not her...and surely not the page. We eventually broke up...and to this day I'm sure that chick is there. Deflection is mostly used as a form of defense when guilty. An innocent man needs no defense other than the truth. PERIOD.


Being in a relationship is surely a give and take exchange. It will not ALWAYS be equal, but there will be a sense of reciprocation that keeps you from feeling like you're in a relationship alone. You shouldn't feel like expressing your feelings is the end of your relationship. It certainly shouldn't feel like in order to keep peace, you must keep your gripes to yourself for fear they'll leave or coin you as some insecure whiner. Fuckouttahereyo....






PASSIVE AGGRESSIVENESS:


This right HERE...is something that'll make me look at you, get up and walk out. REALLY? I mean it's cute if your man says playing, "I sure could use a massage...by my nurse" :wink wink: {{insert woman getting the picture and coming in with a very short "something" on to get things popping}} Anything else...is again...some punk ass shit.


For instance, my ex (the older one) used to say that "Everything is fine" when asked what was wrong...but then turn around and have an attitude or need coddling in some way. Men HATE when women do this...but, plenty of men do it to us. I wonder if they realize they're doing it? Say what you mean, mean what you say. If you're bothered...say so. If you're annoyed, say so. What makes communication fail the fastest is pretending things are okay when they're not. Using silence and short talk as a punisher to make your mate feel badly...which in turn (because women are naturally compassionate and nurturing) makes us want to tend to your ego. If that's the point of it all...wow. You can cut out the bullshit and say, "I need you, right now...I'm going through something." 


"You get more bees with honey than with vinegar..." ~old adage


I had a charge once...a 4yr old boy who was smart as a whip. He used to say things that would have me cracking up! One day I was eating an apple and he said, "That apple suuuure looks good...I bet it tastes good, too." (Mind you...he'd eaten breakfast not too long before and this was MY breakfast). I mumbled, "Mmm hmm" and continued eating my Golden Delicious. Several minutes went by and he finally asked, "Aunt Kali, may I have an apple?" I replied, "Yes, baby...you sure can."  On another day as we were watching Spongebob Squarepants...he says (while still facing the TV) "I KNOW my mom sent a snack for me...I wonder if it's in there..." I said NOTHING. I giggled silently as I listened to this 4yr old child learn his way around passive aggressiveness at such a young age. He said it once more before turning to me and asking, "Aunt Kali, may I have my snack now?" Without missing a beat, I said, "You sure can, baby...and for future references...don't beat around the bush. If you're hungry tell Aunt Kali and I'll get you something." He never did it again.


Closed mouths don't get fed. You can't begin to get your needs fulfilled if you BS around the cause with moans, loud sighs, long faces and shrugs. SAY what it is...it's the quickest route to discussing it and getting past it.


We're SUPPOSED to be in relationships to enhance each other...be GOOD to one another. We're supposed to listen to our mates and consider their feelings. It shouldn't be a one-sided saga of, "I'm right and you're crazy". If a person doesn't want to do these things...they might want to reconsider partnership all together.


...but, I'M the crazy one, huh?


...bastum

5 scopers scoping:

♥ CG ♥ said...

Dang it, Kiwi! At it again, breaking down the reality and confirming how relationships are not as complex as we claim...."people jus' stupid" is what Quiet F would say...lol.

I laughed and fought tears reading this, sis. Sometimes we think we're getting things off our chest, but they're really meant to help someone else. Thanks for making me see that I'm not all that crazy :-).

Thee_Kween said...

@CG~ It's our common story, Mel. We are NOT crazy. I just wish for us better choices in who we partner with. THAT is the key here.

You're welcome, I'm always trying to figure out this stuff...even as I'm writing so it's therapeutic to me, too.

Butterfly Effect said...

Deflecting? Oh yes, my kids do this to me all the time. I get on their case about something and then they try to point out some error I've made. I hate that it's an emotional roller coaster. It's like fighting to get to the point with this person but they keep throwing up smoke screens.

With Passive Aggressiveness.. I'm both a victim and a user of it. I was a victim because the person never turns around and confesses what they really feel or want like the 4 year old above. And that was the point of it all. Hide their true feelings so they don't have to explain them while making you feel like something is off with you. The key to making this tactic work like a charm is to never confess what they really feel.. ugh! I was a user because once I told someone how I felt they would start initiating the action above...deflection. So we never would tackle the issue. Hence, making you feel like hey..that is your problem alone. And it shouldn't be that way. So I would give hints and clues..thing is with me I would always end up telling them how I felt .. didn't matter because I would get dissed for taking so long or not explaining myself properly when known of this has anything to do with the issue at all..LOL Lose Lose..

where there is deflection more than likely you will find passive aggressive actions.. sigh

You did a great job here. I admire how you are able to get your point across so clearly. Great post.

25champ said...

lls. you've pretty much said it all ;)

Thee_Kween said...

@BE~ Yea, you're right...deflection and passive aggressive ways go hand in hand along with a number of other dysfunctional traits.

...and yea...children are best at it...it's a damn shame when adults don't outgrow these tendencies.

@Champ~ Did I? LOL

Find It

 

Like Me a LOT

GGX Jewels

GGX Jewels
Inspire Your Inner Diva

The Beautiful Blogger Award

The Beautiful Blogger Award
Aw, Champ...for ME?

Kween's Sentry

MyFreeCopyright.com Registered & Protected

Lia Sophia

Lia Sophia
Contact JoAnn Monroe for beautiful jewelry

The Love & Truth Challenge

The Love & Truth Challenge

Networked Blogs

Blogroll

I Love Your Blog

I Love Your Blog
Thanks Cook!

The Versatile Blogger Award

The Versatile Blogger Award
Thanks Champ!

sitemeter

About

CURRENT MOON