I've made a decision. I've decided to stop running from the truth of who I am. WHAT I am. I am what is called, an "Empath"...
It's nothing eerie, mysterious or mystical. It just means I'm tapped deeply and highly into emotions and spiritual vibrations. It means, that what people around me feel...I feel. It's not just emotions either...it's the physical pains, aches...things of that nature.
Let me start by demystifying what an Empath is. I'm no witch, gypsy, or pagan ritualist. I am a human being with the capacity to feel and "empathize" strongly with other people. Click here to read a little on what an Empath is and goes through. (I'm sure you heard of the fact that humans on average use 8-10% of their brain's capacity. Geniuses use anywhere between 15-25% or more. Think of what you would be capable of if those percentages increased.)
Anyway, as I was saying...
I often have moments where I meet eyes with people in public and I just start tearing up. I may see a couple and become overrun with emotions. It can be the happiest of feelings...or it can be sadness for what's hidden beneath. It's a burdensome gift at times. I get easily pulled into people's dramas and lives because I am a sponge for emotional energy. Always the helper...I can be the one who sticks around when all the doors are blinking EXIT in neon red. I don't like to quit on people, so I stay longer than what is required of me. What I've learned though, is that no one should be a "sponge" for anyone. Do you know what a sponge does? Of course you do. A sponge's purpose is to clean, absorb and then be wrung free of it's excess. That is it's cycle. There's no other life for a sponge...other than to dry up and become useless. I've also learned that sometimes it's not really quitting...it's self-preservation.
There have been times when I've just had to close off the outside world for a few days to get a handle on my emotions. I do NOT watch the news...a political faux pas to some...emotional stability to me. I've sat in heaves of tears after seeing news broadcasts with people being senselessly killed, raped, harassed...and it's really killer to see a family member or friend being interviewed with tears streaming. I'm gone. Any thing can set off my emotions...so there are times, in order to distinguish from what is MINE and what is someone else's...I need down time. I'm not somewhere tucked into tears. I'm listening to music, writing, watching a good comedy for laughs. I'm doing what I love to do in my spare time without intrusion. Sometimes, I'm just napping my way through...being Narcoleptic makes me even more susceptible to the emotions. High and deep emotions make me sleepy...and sleep repairs.
I'm glad that I have the kind of friends who don't take personal, the time I take off. Rather than assume something is wrong between US...they make sure something isn't wrong with ME. I'm outgoing, talkative and humorous most times...but, I reserve for myself the times when I need to decompress and shake off all of the tears, frustrations and trials of those around me. I know that when I've returned to myself...my friends and family return to me as well. That is important for a "feeler" and someone who has the ability to tap into things before they take place...to have a good support team. People who understand, recognize and respect their gifts.
I hope that this glimpse into me isn't met with whispers of "she's crazy" (I've gotten that WAY too many times to count). I hope it's met with compassion for my compassion. If it isn't...oh, well. This is who I am and I won't apologize, clarify or mask it for someone else's comfortability. I've been doing that way too long.
I'm a lover AND a fighter...I like the folks most don't. I walk to the beat of a drummer....who isn't REALLY in the band, but got the best beats. I am big on love..."I see you" where you're at...hopefully this blog helps you to see me, as well. Either Love me...or leave me alone!
Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. - a quote by Dinah Craik