I don't ever remember a time when I've loved my friends more...
In kindergarten, my BFF was Abdrice Holcomb. I grew up with him...calling him my cousin, but having a lil crush. lol. He and his cousin, Terrell Grant used to walk me home from elementary school because they liked to protect me. "Drice" and Terrell...are gone now. One shot and killed...the other died in jail. R.I.P. guys. ::pause:: (I didn't mean to go "there"...but somehow tears came) *ahem* Those were my boys. Their deaths were traumatic for me. I dreamed about them both for years...I called them "visits"...they've stopped. I assume they've let go and moved onto where it is they're supposed to be. Okay, I digress...
In 1st grade, my BFF was...I can't remember. LOL
I didn't GO to 2nd grade...wait, this ain't going well.
...3rd...there was Anissa...4th...there was...what was her name? Was it Stacey or Tameka? Um...5th it was Samantha...6th it was, I think it was Natasha, Tameka AND Rachel. 7th it was Alyia (Trina) and then Jene (I got switched from one class to another and didn't really see Alyia much until Freshman year in HS). 8th it was Latisha and Jene, 9th it was Jene...10th, it was Tasha and sometimes Adrienne...11th and 12th it was Vikki. It was Vikki for years...and even though our lives are separate we still love each other oodles. Now these were my school buddies, because at HOME there was Equenthia, Leah, Ronae and Indria. Vikki crossed over into my home life. My girls at home were different than school because I had friends who were 2 grades below me and above me and all we had in common WAS where we lived. ~PHEW~ what a list. LOL
Okay...throughout my life I've had a friend for every grade...some of those friends carried over into more than one year...and once I hit HS...it changed all the time because chicks were flaky. lol. I told my girl, Maria...that what has gotten me thrown in the midst of drama almost ALWAYS was sharing my heart with the wrong person. People who had no loyalty and couldn't wait to go tell my business. The TRUTH always got me in trouble. I remember the crowd of people who waited for me in a friend's apartment because I told one girl that I was "with" him...and he denied it. Yea...I lied for years about that to keep from alerting people to the fact that I'd had sex with someone who didn't think others would approve. I was called a liar...accused of crushing on someone who wouldn't even blink in my direction...when the reality was that he spent all of his spare time with me and would call me his best friend. Crazy, right? To this day, there are a LOT of people from my hometown who think I lied about being with him because he seemed ashamed of the chubby girl he was smitten with. Maybe that's why I hate Mt. Vernon. LOL Anyway...
I've had more than one friendship go awry...mostly because when DONE wrong, I forgive with the ease of an assuring hug...yet, have been casted out and disowned when I made the slightest mistakes. Still happens like that to this day...only...I've learned to smile, nod in understanding and walk THAT way--------->> You can't make people fight for you. Either they will or they won't...and nothing can change that but their own realization of your place in their life.
SO, when I was given some jewels...loose gems worth more than their weight...invaluable in spiritual immensity...I thanked God. I love my girls and my guys. I've got some COOL ASS MOFOS in my life. I mean it man...My HumbleBE (Joy), My DeeBo (DeAnna), My SANGRIA (lol)...(Maria), My Yellow Girl (Harmony), My Cee (Chuck), My Preecey, (Caprice), My Te' (Chante'), My Sissy (Dani), My Tei~Bell (Tei), My Meaty (Al)...and growing and budding friendships like My girl Budda~Boo (Angela) and Angel Face (Nickole)...man...if I go on, I'll write an entire list of people who have shone light in my life and on my darkest days. When I've wanted to cry, vent, be a bitch, be a baby, be silent...they've listened. They've given me the best they have and I couldn't ask for anything more.
Which brings me to my final point...when they pain...I pain. I literally FEEL the hurts, frustrations, anger and loneliness. It'll come over me in the middle of the day...in the middle of a laugh...and I'll text someone and ask, "Are you okay?"...it's like a connective network of hearts, spirit and mental thoughts. Thoughts are things...and those things grow legs and knock RIGHT at my door. I still feel some of the people in my life whom I've "disconnected" from (because I never truly disconnect). I can feel it and it'll be some Twilight Zone shit that'll cause me to look around in a room while alone and ask..."Can this mofo see me?" LOL Right now, my girl is struggling right and it pains me hard. I hate that I can't be there like I want and that I've gone without speaking to her more than I'm used to. It's hard to feel helpless when all you want to do is help. This chick has been there for me in ways that I didn't expect nor ask. Real talk...she's an amazing friend...and I love her dearly. My sister needs me and I need her, too. I have been praying for her and all of my friends who seem to be going through one thing or another...
I LOVE Y'ALL! I love my girls and my guys. I love the ones I've met and the ones I've yet to meet. I love the ones that are mad at me (get over it...I love you any damn way) and those who probably don't even KNOW why they're mad at me.
I'm gonna do something I NEVER do. I'm going to leave a trail of love for those whose love I can still feel...by name. Pride is for the birds and guess what..."This world be over soon..." LMAO
So, I end this blog with I love you's...
I love you LEAH! I love you DIONNE! I love you JAMIE! I love you ALI!
I love everyone who lays eyes on this...love rules the world.
***Feel better, Joy...I love you, sis. For you...***
I'm a lover AND a fighter...I like the folks most don't. I walk to the beat of a drummer....who isn't REALLY in the band, but got the best beats. I am big on love..."I see you" where you're at...hopefully this blog helps you to see me, as well. Either Love me...or leave me alone!
Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. - a quote by Dinah Craik