Once again...the conversation bandit strikes! My girl and I were discussing some things and we both concluded that in spite of much protest...men have as much, if not MORE baggage than women.
Sure, some women get hurt and become hesitant to embark on a new relationship with the same brand of dew-eyed trust as the first...but, that's not baggage...that's common sense. Unless she's bitter, cynical and negative with the energy she's giving...it is within ANY one's rights to self preserve. Yet, a LOT of men have a tendency to withhold love in a new relationship when he's been severely hurt or betrayed. A lot of doggish dudes are that way because he refuses to give another woman the kind of "power" that the last one had over him. If women are ruled by emotion...men are ruled by ego. The ego is a fragile thing...mostly because it is ballooned for the sake of appearance, rather than from a place of love. Anyway...this is what we came up with. A situation where the woman has less baggage than the man (which translates into SHE wants to be there, is in love and is giving it all she's got...while he's reserving his true self. Whether it be for the ex, or the next...or just himself because he can't fathom giving himself totally to another woman again)
It's like a couple goes on a trip. It's not a long one...just long enough to bond and spend some time. She packs for the occasion. An outfit for each day and possibly an extra for the "in case". He on the other hand...has used all of HIS luggage up and has now usurped HER luggage, too. He's packed for every day they'll be together. He's also packed for every day that he and his ex were together...and also for the days that he hoped they'd still be together.
She's driving...he's in the passenger seat. He's holding her bag. Listening to music. Looking out the window. Nodding off...while she navigates the relationship. As he fidgets, she asks him a time or two what's wrong. He answers, nothing. She asks again. He answers that he may have forgotten his "keys". The "keys" aren't even HIS. They belong to the home of the ex, but he carries them around just in case she invites him back home. THIS chick...the one driving...is getting agitated. NOT because she knows which keys he's missing...but, because she's driving and he's not helping. She can't even BEGIN to understand that this dude is planning the trip that never happened. Or reminiscing on the trip that wasn't long enough...that is, until she gets them to a place of rest. They're unpacking...and he realizes something. The extra set of luggage belongs to the ex. His "keys" (which belong to HER house) are ALSO the keys to open his luggage.
NOW, the woman he's with has had it. DAMN IT...you packed ALL this extra shit you didn't need, but I said nothing. You didn't drive at ALL. You didn't help with the map, the signs...nada. NOW, you don't have SHIT for this trip, because you're shit is in HER luggage. Hmm...where ARE those damn KEYS!!!
Moral of the story? Don't think for ONE minute that because someone SAYS shit is okay...that it is. Actions speak louder than words. If it seems like you're dragging someone along on a trip and you've gotta fight to get them to get up on time for the "trip". You've gotta pick their clothes. Pay for their fare. See to it they're paying attention...chances are their mind is elsewhere. Where your mind is, your body follows and the spirit does, too.
Desperation makes you selfish. Desperation isn't anymore grounded in love, than control is...and desperation IS a form of control. A desperate person desires to possess someone or something so badly that they try and control the atmosphere, the circumstances, the effects. If someone is desperate for your love...run. Their desperation will only cloud their judgment. They'll only see you as a prize to be won. On the other hand...if someone keeps putting off the trip. SABOTAGING the trip...leave their asses!
Unpack those bags, give away the shit you can't fit, keep what you can and live for the moment. That's what I plan on doing.
I'm a lover AND a fighter...I like the folks most don't. I walk to the beat of a drummer....who isn't REALLY in the band, but got the best beats. I am big on love..."I see you" where you're at...hopefully this blog helps you to see me, as well. Either Love me...or leave me alone!
Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. - a quote by Dinah Craik