They're NOT "I love you".
They're, "I am sorry"
People rarely say these words anymore...and some who do...almost never mean them. How do I know? The behavior remains the same. There's no effort to rectify the situation with corrected behavior.
Apology is affirmed through change of action. If someone says, "This hurts me" or better yet you're convicted by your OWN behavior to feel remorse for hurting someone...it should behoove you to apologize. If by chance your apology is bullshit...to "keep the peace" or shut someone up...save it.
Insincere apologies are normally motivated by a desire to:
- Not hear one's own wrongful actions; being unable to withstand guilt
- Not wanting someone to be angry at them (most assholes don't like to be the bad guy...isn't that ironic?)
- Wanting to remain in control; emotional manipulation is as addictive to the manipulator as it can be to the softer mind of the manipulated
- Not caring, but simply not wanting to argue
It's shameful. As with my previous post...I stated that people often do wrong things but want a respect they hardly give. A lot of people feel entitled to a kind of respect and consideration they themselves have never been familiar with. I DO believe that there is a mental imbalance with someone who feels justifiable to use their emotions as a snare and yet will find a reason to be unreasonably angry with someone who in essence is NOT their problem.
On another note...why is it that some people feel better about forgiving the one whose done them the worst harm but NOT the person who they pretty much used as a scapegoat to deflect from being hurt at someone else? I noticed that behavior in a LOT of women. They'll forgive a man for his slanderous, philandering and manipulative ways...but damn the women involved. How does that work exactly? I can't imagine embracing the perpetrator and persecuting someone who was victim alongside myself. I'd sooner do away with BOTH people than to accept the person mostly responsible for causing the issue to begin with. If anything, I'd want to ban together and against that person to make sure they don't win. Nothing is better than uniting and becoming comrades rather than to allow them to cause division. I guess that's just me though.
Having said that, some friendships need to stay dead, others need to start from scratch and then there are those who just require some rewiring and that's all. It's a wonderful thing to know which is which.
Either way...some people HATE to admit guilt and apologize for their own part in things.
NOTHING in your life is all someone else's fault. Don't get stuck on petty principles and then try and justify your inability to see the bigger picture all because you've decided to focus on a piece of a puzzle. Let go of that ONE thing that had you slipping...and tally up the total with objective eyes and heart.
Also remember, that apologizing doesn't always mean you're admitting culpability. Sometimes, you just care enough about that connection and don't wanna lose them.
(Even though...if you're always the one apologizing....you might wanna consider who your friends are)
This has been a message delivered by the Kween herself...my message deliverer is drunk behind the stables.