The "List"

Well, well, well...looky what we have here! While cleaning my room (to move to another space) I found "the list". Hand-written on 5x7" college-ruled paper...about *counting*... 6 of those pages long (only front, no back) black roller ball ink.

I'd been mulling over "love" and it's fascinating parts. Those wonderful and agonizing parts, that make it something people either want with their last breath or hate to think about with their entire being. Having been through my fair share of "debacles" I honestly had been talking to myself aloud about how I was going to focus on ME again. Get back to ME...and learn how to live a life full of family and friends...blessings, triumphs and reversals...and more blessings. I wasn't going to let any man looking to "conquer the Kween" love down my sentries again until it felt indisputably right. I think with all of my past involvements, there was always some sense of, " I even like this dude?" in the beginning. I had to be won over...chased and tackled damn near, instead of a slow chase with sure signs of love amiss. I believe that the guy for me will win me over almost immediately. THAT is how I will know it's him, because with EACH guy I've fallen for...there was always some sense of dislike for him immediately and THEN he got me. Even if I didn't dislike him per was more like I spotted something that would come between us, ignored it eventually...only to be reminded of that very thing later as the relationship died.

Anywho...I've decided to share this list with you all. Perhaps, I found it for a reason. We'll see ;)...don't be shy...tell me what you think about it (It's not in any particular order; except that first one):

  • God-fearing
  • Independent
  • Sociable
  • Honest
  • Over Past Loves
  • Perseveres (?) lol
  • A leader who knows when to follow (lol, clearly my kween tendencies kicking in)
  • Motivated
  • Dedicated
  • "Normal" relationship with mom (must respect her)
  • No addictions
  • Non-possessive
  • Patient
  • Established financially (or well on his way)...(funny how I compromised this in the past)
  • Ambitious
  • Handsome
  • Well-groomed
  • Tall
  • Knows how to please me
  • He must compliment me, NOT complete me
  • My dreams must be as important to him as his are [to me]
  • A love maker...not a sex addict
  • Loves music, poetry and art
  • We can duet together <---I'm over this
  • We should be each other's best friend
  • I must like him, like I love him
  • Tender Kisses that I can feel deep in my soul
  • Must not feel the need to be searching elsewhere for something more
  • Satisfied with home ^^^
  • No one more than 10 years older and 5 years younger <---broke THAT rule in half
  • Non-argumentative (for sport, I mean)
  • Someone who will see his soul in my eyes; I can look in his and see mine
  • He must have his own life; I cannot and will not be his be all to end all and likewise
  • Someone who loves my smile
  • Snazzy dresser (giggling at the word snazzy)
  • Money-wise
  • Spends quality time with me
  • Non-smoker
  • Moderate drinker
  • Healthy man, free from infection (oh so serious and yet, that made me giggle)
  • His family will love me like their own and vice versa
  • Someone who won't mind pursuing me
  • Someone who will be appreciative of me
  • Loves to read
  • Sweet nature
  • Serious when necessary, silly when we want to be
  • Loves to cuddle
  • Neat and clean but not anal (again with the giggles)
  • Creative
  • Not afraid to commit
  • Single - no married, involved or engaged men
  • If divorced, must be totally emotionally detached from ex (would appreciate financial, physical, spiritual and mentally as well)
  • If he has kids, must be responsible but must know how to prioritize me and any family we have
  • Monogamous
  • Must make toes curl and eyes light up (clearly, I was looking for sparks of all kinds, lol)
  • Respectful
  • Warm & Sensitive
  • Strong
  • Enduring
  • Humorous
  • Has a business mind
  • Well-educated
  • Good listener
  • Responsible
  • Considerate & thoughtful
  • Not afraid to communicate
  • Non-controlling
  • Not abusive (on ANY level)
  • Loyal (damn I was repeating myself, lol)
  • Fair-minded
  • Logical
  • Not afraid to show emotions
  • Sexual but not perverse
  • Respects my sexuality
  • Willing to compromise
  • Secure in his masculinity
  • Ethical/Moral
  • Wonderful provider
  • Protective
  • Fun conversationalist
  • Spontaneous
  • Adventurous
  • Loves me for me
  • Spiritual, but not fanatically <----broke this one, too
  • Humble
  • SANE!!!
  • Generous
  • Sensual
  • Romantic
  • Loves knowledge and how to acquire it

So, there ya go. Excuse the redundancy in certain areas...clearly there are things that stick out to me and matter to me more than other things. A lot has changed and I can say a lot of this stuff is negotiable with me...some isn't.

So, what do you think of my list and have you ever made one of your own? Do you think they work or are necessary? Are we boxed in by these types of things?

4 scopers scoping:

♥ CG ♥ said...

No red flags here, I think these attributes are characteristics many of us desire in a mate. I don't have a list, but it's not something I see as a bad thing. It's the bad use of a list that's questionable. You know, the ones who are so outlandish that no one could possibly meet every requirement. I think age, experience and better understandings of *real* relationships help us craft a better picture, one that may not mirror that of our outlook through younger/less knowledgeable eyes.

Humble BE said...

everything looks good to me. very nice list. :)

Angela Lykebudda White said...

90% i am all the way with ya...great list maybe i need to create one.

Thee_Kween said...

Thanks ladies...I saw this list that I'd made and saw where I strayed (to my detriment) and saw how so much was missing off of this list in past dealings.

Perhaps a list isn't going to be met to a TEE, but be a reminder of what things are non-negotiable.

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